Well, I realize now that that day will never come. I will never have everything figured out, nor will my emotions ever be tamed. God is working on me, it is a painful process, and my heart has been on a roller-coaster since the moment I flew out of O'Hare. But nothing worth having is easy, and I am encouraged by the thought that in me God is creating something wonderful. I cannot wait for the day on which I can look back and see some of the ways in which God was shaping me while in Honduras.
I can already see some of the ways. I came here for two specific goals: to become a better teacher, and to sharpen my Spanish skills. I saw this period as very beneficial to my future, but as for my present, I thought of it more as a sentence I was serving. I still struggle with a certain mindset that I am counting down the months until I can go back. However, I have intentionally been trying to view this experience differently. I want to gain wisdom, peace, and joy from day-to-day experiences. Everyday is an opportunity for growth, and I am beginning to open my eyes to the simple ways in which God works. This is something I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life, no matter where I am.
Being here has presented many difficulties, but in many ways, I find my life here to be quite peaceful. I feel cared for without question by friends, neighbors, and co-workers. I have learned a lot about giving freely. The people here are incredibly generous in every aspect of the word. I work very hard at my job, and I find myself becoming more in tune with my students every week. I can see them not only learning, but becoming more confident individually. In those instances I feel God's assurance that I am doing the right thing.
As a teacher, I feel incredibly free. I can be as creative as I want to be here, which has been a great outlet for me. I feel like I am back on stage, singing, acting, dancing, entertaining. Teaching is hard; teaching is fun. The day I learned to be patient and control my temper was the day I began to realize what good teaching should be. I have a long way to go, but I am glad I made that realization early on.
I have been thinking recently about how much more I appreciate small, simple things here. Some of the wonderful simple gifts that I can appreciate here are:
sunny days; coloring on the front porch with the neighbor kids; coming home from work to an iced coffee or a bag of peanut m&m's; doing laundry or cleaning the house (I know, right? But it feels so familiar and I like it!); having a bike lent to me which allows me to go anywhere I want easily; playing games with the couple next door, whom I have adopted as my Honduran abuelitos; the ocean being a ten-minute walk away; the lush vegetation; being welcomed home by neighbors; hearing my students scream "Hi Miss!" when they see me in public; meeting people around Tela or in the other places I have been able to travel; being able to travel cheaply and deciding to do so at a moments notice; a hot shower in the morning, and a soft bed at night.
I am so thankful for all the people in my life. Thank you for support, prayers, and encouragement. Please continue, as I have many times felt my spirit lifted! Perhaps I will have some divine wisdom to share on my next post, but probably not!
